Through the Past Dorkily: Bringin' On the Heartbreak

Editor's note: Through the Past Dorkily is a recurring feature that looks back at the embarrassingly dorky diary I kept as a 16-year-old in 1984.

Thursday, May 10, 1984

Song of the day: Infatuation - Rod Stewart (Jeff Beck on guitar)

Top 5 at Five
1. Run Runaway - Slade
2. Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen
3. This Fall - Bob and Zip
4. Round and Round - Ratt
5. The Pros and Cons of Hitch-hiking - Roger Waters

One more day! WOW! [Prom date] wasn't at school today. She slept in. Boy, was school boring today! A bunch of people were gone for one reason or another. I talked [teacher] into giving us the Algebra test on Monday instead of tomorrow. That leaves 4 tests or quizzes. Sheesh!

Mom's wicked sick. She can hardly stand up! I hope she gets better soon.

I'm feeling better. I can breathe normally, but I'm still coughing a bit. Hopefully it'll be cleared up by tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be really nice tomorrow. Excellent!

I'm wicked psyched! After school I have to pick up the corsage, take a shower, get my hair done, and who knows what else! The school day will drag on, no doubt. But I don't care. The prom will be awesome!

- The (anxious) Barbarian

Friday, May 11, 1984

Song of the day: Don't Forget to Dance - The Kinks

Well, it's here and gone. The day dragged on painfully, but it's over finally.

When I got home, Mom had already bought the corsage. I called [hairdresser] and she said she could take me at 3, so I went there and got back around 3:45. At 5, I went to pick up [prom date]. She looked so beautiful in that dress! Wow! We got to the Ashworth at 6:15. Valet parking, ha! I parked myself and we went in. We had to wait half an hour to get our pictures taken. We get 'em on June 1. We had to wait till 7:30 to eat and even then we didn't have much. The band came out around 8. They were alright, but I think they could've played more slow songs. They only played 3! [Prom date] had a headache for a while. All in all, not so hot. we took [another couple] to [friend's] house with us. [Buddy] got us going a different way that took longer. We got to the house and I parked on the street. The cops came and said to park in the driveway! I almost died! After a while, I took [prom date] home. I gave her a goodnight kiss and she said, "Still friends?" I go, "Yeah, I guess."

Still friends. Hmm.

- The (un-psyched) Barbarian

Saturday, May 12, 1984

Song of the day: Bringin' on the Heartbreak - Def Leppard

I was awakened this morning at 11 with some bad news: Caesar got hit by a car. He was gone since 6:30 Friday evening. We found him across the street at the side of the road. Caesar was dead. He was just lying there. I think he bled internally to death. Poor boy. If the jerk who hit him had told us then, maybe we could've saved him! I felt so lousy seeing him just lying there with his eyes closed, knowing he'd never get up again. We took him to the vet. They'll bury him somewhere in Mass. Poor Caesar.

Caesar, may you rest in peace.

-  The Barbarian

Sunday, May 13, 1984

Song of the day: Touch and Go - The Cars

Not much happened today. It was sunny. I took the garbage to the dump. I did my homework. I cleaned up the spare room. I moped around all day.

I decided that I'm not going to call [prom date] anymore. I'm not going to tell her to call me. I'll still hang around with her at school and everything. If she calls me on her own, fine. I want to see what she does. It's starting to look hopeless for me...

Boy, is my life messed up.

- The Barbarian

P.S. I miss Caesar. A lot.

Monday, May 14, 1984

Song of the day: Red Lenses - Rush

Top 5 at Five
1. The Pros and Cons of Hitch-hiking - Roger Waters
2. Blue Light - David Gilmour
3. Round and Round - Ratt
4. A Whiter Shade of Pale - HSAS
5. Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen

Weird day. We had a sub in Civics because [teacher] (and Jeremy) is in DC. Yay! I forget her name. She was nice, but the way she read the lesson was like we were second graders!

We took a Geometry quiz, hope I did alright. I got a friggin' 48 on a Bi Sci test! Out of 100. 48! I have to get As on everything in there from now on. Damn!  

Took an Algebra test, hope I did good on it.

I scrapped that plan I came up with about not calling [prom date]. I like her too much not to call her! She called me after school (after I told her to).

Today would have been Caesar's first birthday.

- The Barbarian

Tuesday, May 15, 1984

Song of the day: Out of My Hands - Face to Face

Top 5 at Five
1. My Oh My - Slade
2. Round and Round - Ratt
3. A Whiter Shade of Pale - HSAS
4. Drive - The Cars
5. Leave It - Yes

So-so day. Bus was late because we had some other driver who kept pulling over to let cars go by! Sheesh!

I got an 83 on that Geometry quiz, 74 on the Algebra test. Not so hot. We got a Geometry chapter test tomorrow. I think I'll do better on that!

I got 95 on the outlining quiz in Prep for College and 42% on the "How to Study" quiz. Well, it beats 5%!

[Prom date] taught me how to play UNO on the phone yesterday and I played my first game today. Wow. Alert the media!

Okay, here's the game plan about [prom date]: I figured it all out. I play it cool till school's out. Just friends, she said. Well, she's got it! No more compliments, reduced phone calls. It's back to Kumar the Barbarian for me! No more wallowing in self-pity! No more feeling sorry for myself! I'm gonna get out there and kick some butt! And I'm gonna have fun doing it! So there!

Like the song says, "It's out of my hands." Like wow, man.

- The (rejuvenated, for real, this time) Barbarian

Wednesday, May 16, 1984

Song of the day: Lunatic Fringe - Red Rider

Top 5 at Five
1. Legs - ZZ Top
2. My Oh My - Slade
3. Round and Round - Ratt
4. Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen
5. Deeper and Deeper - The Fixx

Wednesdays suck! At least for me they do! Remember all that rejuvenated bullcrap yesterday? Forget it. It doesn't work.

After break, when I was walking her to French, [prom date] told me not to walk her there anymore. I was messed up after that.

I stumbled through the rest of the day and made it home alive but depressed.

After dinner, I called her up. I asked her straight out if we had a chance of going together. She said no. I asked her why not. She gave me some bullshit answer that made no sense. I asked howcum alluva sudden she just wanted to be friends. She couldn't tell me. Can you believe that? Boy, did she really do a number on me! Well, it's over. Finito. Kaput. I can't believe it. I still like her a lot, but I can't hang around her anymore. I'm staying away. I can't believe I fell for her like I did. That's partly her fault, too. It's gonna be tough, but I'm gonna have to get up, brush myself off and move on.

- The (naive) Barbarian...naive ain't the word!

Postscript: Jesus, that was rough. The weird thing was I should've seen the whole breakup thing coming, but I somehow stupidly thought the prom would be great. It was miserable. I remember during one of the slow dances, she literally held me at arm's length. It was like one of those instructional videos from the '50s. And then to get home and have my dog die overnight was just the icing on the shit cake. Brutal.

At least the girl situation didn't drag on too long after the prom. I suppose I should be thankful for that. I'm glad I asked her if it was going to happen, instead of just hoping against hope. Made it easier (sort of) to make a clean break. And besides, things were about to get interesting.