Through the Past Dorkily: Love Stinks

Editor's note: Through the Past Dorkily is a recurring feature that looks back at the embarrassingly dorky diary I kept as a 16-year-old in 1984. Today's entry is super-sized because I was out of town for the last few days, so get ready for some serious angst.

Wednesday, February 15, 1984

Top 5 at Five
1. Jump (what else?) - Van Halen
2. In the Beginning/Shout at the Devil - Motley Crue
3. Leave It - Yes
4. Nobody Told Me - John Lennon
5. Radio Gaga - Queen

Well, I finally did it! I asked [cute girl I liked] if she'd go to the prom with me! She said she'd think about it. But that isn't all! I told her when we were walking back from Geometry. [Another girl] was behind us and now the entire friggin' sophomore class knows about it! Man, I hope she says yes!! Tomorrow is going to be interesting, to say the least.

Jeremy said he'd give me a ride to the dance on Friday. Hmm, maybe [cute girl] will be there. Hmm...

Mom called the MV Bureau and got my driver's test moved to Feb. 29th. She's off that day and can take me.

The Leafs lost 3-1 to Minnesota after winning 4 straight (they beat the Isles 3-1 on Monday).

Man, I'm goin' nutso! I hope she says yes!

- The (anxious) Barbarian

Thursday, February 16, 1984

Top 5 at Five
1. In the Beginning/Shout at the Devil - Motley Crue
2. Jump - Van Halen
3. New Moon on Monday - Duran Duran
4. Leave It - Yes
5. Some Heads are Gonna Roll - Judas Priest

Wow, man. Today sucked wicked bad! Everything was fine until around 8:15 (1st period). [Guy and girl] wrote this little thing [name as acronym made up of unflattering things] about [cute girl I asked to the prom]. Apparently they don't like her. I asked [the guy] why and he said she's been giving him dirty looks. Right. I found out that he was goin' with her last year, but they must have got in a big fight. Anyhoo, I got kinda screwed up because he is my friend and I just didn't know what to think. I still don't. This doesn't mean I'm not backing down. I'm still hot for her. I was totally fucked up today and I didn't even talk to her. Wow, I never knew anyone hated her like that! Shit, even [other buddies of mine] were joining in. I could only sit there in disbelief.

Well, maybe tomorrow will be better. It has to be. It couldn't get much worse than this!

The babe still hasn't made up her mind!

The (screwed-up) Barbarian

Friday, February 17, 1984

Top 5 at Five
1. Jump - Van Halen
2. Leave It - Yes
3. In the Beginning/Shout at the Devil - Motley Crue
4. Send Me an Angel - Real Life
5. Radio Gaga - Queen

Well, well. The dance marked an all-time low in my life. I tried to ignore [cute girl I asked to prom] for a while, and then asked her. She said no. Needless to say, I am totally fucked up and depressed! What surprises me is that she took so long to think about it and then just says no. Something musta happened. She musta thought I wanted a long-term relationship or something. I don't know. All I know is I'm gonna take a while to get over this. It feels like I've been kicked in the gut!

I think I'll go to school on Monday and act like nothing even happened.

A bunch of people, including [a buddy of mine], got bagged at the dance. They were all shitfaced!

[Another friend] told me at the dance that [girl in my class] got in a car accident today. She's got a broken jaw but it looks like she'll be alright.

Well, for now, it looks like I won't be going to the prom, after all. Shit.

- The Depressed and Fucked-up Barbarian

Saturday, February 18, 1984

Hey, I'm doing alright now. I was wicked depressed last night but at around 6 this morning I sat in bed and thought. I came up with a two-pronged plan to see if I can change [cute girl's] mind. First, I'm gonna apologize for being a jerk on Friday and second, I'm gonna clear up that problem about the prom. I sure hope she listens and maybe changes her mind!

I can't wait till Monday.

- The (hopeful) Barbarian

Postscript: Wow, quite the roller coaster of emotions. Looking back at this 29 years later, it's easy to laugh now. But at the time, this was bigger than anything I could imagine. The teenage boy's brain is a funny thing to examine. Everything is SO. FRIGGIN'. IMPORTANT. Oh, man. The best part of it all was that this particular girl wasn't even a blip on the radar a month or so later. 

School dances were pretty lame. If I recall correctly, most of them were held in the cafeteria, so you had a lot of dorks like me hanging out with my buddies, a lot of girls hanging out, some couples dancing during slow songs, and everybody jumping around during faster ones. And of course, as happened at this dance, some folks would show up shitfaced or try to sneak in booze. I didn't drink and neither did my buddy who gave me a ride, so there were no worries on that front with us. 

Can't wait to see how my big two-pronged plan worked out. Yeesh.