Through the Past Dorkily: Clueless

Editor's note: Through the Past Dorkily is a recurring feature that looks back at the embarrassingly dorky diary I kept as a 16-year-old in 1984.

Monday, February 6, 1984

WAAF Top 5 at Five
1. Looks That Kill - Motley Crue
2. Sister Christian - Night Ranger
3. Panama - Van Halen
4. Leave It - Yes
5. 99 Red Balloons - Nena

[Redacted girl] was "sick" today. That caused a few problems for me. In Geometry, she usually sits in front of me so I never get in trouble (tall babe). But today, me and [another dude] were talking and [teacher] got pissed and moved [other dude] all the way across the room and moved that weird guy [redacted] beside me. Stupid homo!

[Cute girl I liked] was looking good today as usual. [Another cute girl] had this awesome shirt on! Every time she bent over I got a mountainous view! Incredible!

I decided to give [cute girl I liked] one of the carnations I bought.

Something funny (and gross) happened in French. We were making crepes and [another dude] found this blue case under his desk. He opened it and found two tampons!! Unused ones! Is that sick or what? He gave them to [another dude] who threw them 'em away! Yuk!

Caesar ate a chicken bone from the garbage so I put him in the front room to sleep from now on. I don't want any more puke on my carpet. Stupid pen ran out. Later, man.

- The stimulated (naturally) Barbarian

Postscript: In case you had any doubts about how immature I was, doubt no more. Yeesh. Hey, I was 16 and had limited exposure to females, so tampons were scary, I guess.

Speaking of dumb, my dog Caesar would eat just about anything. But he had an excuse. He was a puppy. As the coming weeks and months would reveal, I was just a big dumb puppy, too.