Part 2 of my conversation with Phil Stacey about choosing 10 artists to listen to for the rest of your life if you were stranded on a desert island. Listen to the episode below or download directly (right click and "save as").
Show notes:
Bowie would pivot from one persona to another
Phil: The Stones, but leaning heavily on the 1965-1981 period
The Stones and the Who have so many compilations out
In the Stones vs. Beatles argument, the Stones have the edge as a live band
Jay: The Clash are one of the most important bands
Not a huge catalog, but there's still plenty there
The US Festival was the last gasp for the original lineup
Phil: Repping for the Tedeschi Trucks Band
Cover a wide range of styles and genres
Jay: Another artist with a changing style and persona, PJ Harvey
Not afraid to tackle new sounds
Lots of great, interesting stuff to check out
Jay: Would enjoy digging further into the Cure's catalog
So much to delve into
Output has slowed down since the '90s
Phil: His one-time favorite band, U2
Early material remains strong
Hit or miss the last two decades
U2's legacy has diminished because they hung around too long
It's tough for legacy acts whose new material will always be compared to their classic stuff
You won't hear recent music from legendary bands on the radio
The fans want the hits
Jay: R.E.M. has a lot of parallels to U2, except they stopped
They had a dip in quality for a few albums, but stopped performing in 2011
Michael Shannon and Jason Narducy have done a great job paying tribute to classic R.E.M. albums
Reminding people how great the band was
They haven't reformed other than a few impromptu songs
Many bands are playing their classic albums front to back
Bands like Sloan and Iron Maiden will alternate touring classic albums and new ones
Completely Conspicuous is available through Apple Podcasts. Subscribe and write a review! The opening and closing theme of Completely Conspicuous is "Theme to Big F'in Pants" by Jay Breitling. Voiceover work is courtesy of James Gralian.
Nobody wants to get old. It just happens. The key is not to act like you're old, or so they tell me. This week on Stuck In Thee Garage, I played songs about getting older in hour 2 (after an hour of new music) and I swear they'll clear up your diabeetus in no time.
This playlist is the right thing to do, and a tasty way to do it:
Hour 1
Artist - Song/Album
Middle Mass - Unsettled/Songs for the Sapphire Hare
Courtney Barnett - Stay In Your Lane/Single
Snocaps - Over Our Heads/Snocaps
Sleaford Mods - The Good Life (feat. Gwendoline Christie and Big Special)/The Demise of Planet X
Day After Day is an ambitious attempt to write about a song every day in 2024 (starting on Jan. 4).
When I Get Old (1996)
Once you get to a certain point in life, birthdays cease to be a big deal. Sure, you still have the big milestones, but the ones in between kind of just happen. Still, they're celebrations and they're to be enjoyed, but there's also that sense of mortality that hits you right between the eyes.
There's been plenty of songs about birthdays, but one that gets to the heart of the whole "getting old" conundrum is "When I Get Old" by the Descendents.
The Descendents were a power pop/surf punk band formed in 1977 in Manhattan Beach, California, by Frank Novetta, David Nolte and Bill Stevenson. After a few years of lineup changes, Milo Aukerman joined as lead singer in 1981. The band's 1982 debut Milo Goes to College was a punk-pop classic, with a nerdy-looking caricature of Aukerman serving as the group's mascot. But the band was eventually put on hold when indeed, Aukerman went to college and Stevenson joined Black Flag.
The two rejoined the band in 1985 for the album I Don't Want to Grow Up and made two more albums before Aukerman left the band to pursue a career in biochemistry. Stevenson and members Karl Alvarez and Steven Egerton decided to form All, adding singer Dave Smalley. The band released seven pop-punk albums with Smalley and two other singers before Aukerman decided to get back into music.
Stevenson kept All going with singer Chad Price while working with Aukerman in the Descendents; in 1996, the Descendents released the album Everything Sucks, a short and punchy collection of pop-punk gems. Both bands signed to Epitaph.
On "When I Get Old," Aukerman wonders about his future (although the song was written by Stevenson and Alvarez).
"What will it be like when I get old?/Will I still hop on my bike/And ride around town?/Will I still want to be someone/And not just sit around?/I don't wanna be like the other adults/'Cause they've already died/Cool and condescending/Fossilized/Will I be rich, will I be poor?/Will I still sleep on the floor?/What will it be like when I get/What will it be like when I get/What will it be like when I get old?"
By this point, Aukerman and Stevenson were in their early 30s, so adulthood wasn't just some far-off fantasy.
"Will I sit around and talk about the old days?/Sit around and watch TV/I never want to go that way/Never burn out, not fade away/As I travel through my time/Will I like what I find?"
Aukerman went back to a career in molecular biology, returning occasionally to record and tour. In 2016, burned out by his career and laid off by DuPont, Aukerman returned to the Descendents full time, and the band released the album Hypercaffium Spazzinate. I saw them on this tour at the Royale in Boston. The band released another album in 2021 and remains active. As for the getting older part, Aukerman suffered a mild heart attack last year but had surgery and is back performing.
Milo's 61 now and I just turned 57 today. At the time "When I Get Old" came out, I was still in my 20s (barely) and the thought of getting old was the furthest thing from my mind. Now that it's actually here, I still feel pretty good, albeit a lot creakier than I was back then. Hopefully Milo and I will both be around for a long time.
It happens quickly. One day you're a 20-year-old running around like an idiot with your friends, the next thing you know, you're 50 and your back hurts. This week on Stuck In Thee Garage, I played songs about getting older in hour 2.
This playlist will hit you like the Frankenstein monster:
Hour 1 Artist - Song/Album
Charly Bliss - Slingshot/Supermoon
Chemtrails - Frightful in the Sunlight/The Peculiar Smell of the Inevitable
Eyelids - At Sea/The Accidental Falls
Diet Cig - Thriving/Do You Wonder About Me?
Hazel English - Off My Mind/Wake UP!
Chelsea Wolfe - Dirt Universe/Birth of Violence
Drive-By Truckers - Quarantine Together/Single
Tanya Donelly - Here Comes Your Man/Single
Car Seat Headrest - Deadlines/Making a Door Less Open
Brendan Benson - Half a Boy (Half a Man)/Dear Life
Damaged Bug - The Thunder Speaks/Bug On Yonkers
STRFKR - Sea Foam/Future Past Life
Of Montreal - Get God's Attention By Being An Atheist/UR FUN
Superchunk - For Tension/Clambakes Vol. 10: Only In My Dreams - Live in Tokyo 2009
Sloan - Emergency 911/Live at Yep Roc 15: Sloan
Cloud Nothings - No Thoughts/Live @ Bells Brewery, Kalamazoo 1/15/15
Hour 2: Old
Descendents - When I Get Old/Everything Sucks The Walkmen - My Old Man/Bows + Arrows
Black Mountain - Old Fangs/Wilderness Heart
Frightened Rabbit - Old Old Fashioned/The Midnight Organ Fight
Calories - Let's Pretend That We're Older/Let's Pretend That We're Older
Young Adults - Old Kids/Old Kids
The Black Lips - Old Man/200 Million Thousand
The Tragically Hip - 38 Years Old/Up to Here
Deer Tick - Old Lady/Mayonnaise
Neil Young - Old Man/Harvest
Pavement - Old to Begin/Brighten the Corners
The Modern Lovers - Dignified and Old/The Modern Lovers
R.E.M. - Old Man Kensey/Fables of the Reconstruction
Guided By Voices - Old Bones/Let's Go Eat the Factory
Jeff Rosenstock - Get Old Forever/We Cool?
The Fiery Furnaces - The Old Hag Is Sleeping/Widow City
Matthew Sweet - Get Older/100% Fun
When I started this blog way the hell back on July 25, 2003, I was 35 and my daughter Hannah was just over a year old (and we just found out we were having a second child). Today, Hannah turned 18. Holy crap, right?
It's been a long, strange trip since the dog days of the summer of '03. The world is a very different place now, especially as we're in the throes of the COVID-19 pandemic. But even before everything ground to a halt last month, things were vastly different. For one, I'm 52 now. That's crazy in and of itself. And if you told me or anybody else in the world (including him) in July 2003 that Donald Trump would be our president right now, you would have been laughed out of the room. And yet here we are.
But now my daughter is an adult. Still a high school senior and dependent on us, but able to vote and skydive and legally change her name, etc., etc. So much has happened over the last 18 years, of course. There were weepy days going to kindergarten (her, not me; no, really), swim lessons, a brief stint of T-ball, many years of soccer and lacrosse, field trips, science fairs, great report cards, a broken wrist, sprained ankles, college visits, the occasional tantrum, some sarcasm and mostly, a lot of fun.
It doesn't feel like it's going fast when you're in the middle of it and then suddenly you're sitting there across from a legal adult (with another one two years away). I have a lot of friends with little kids and babies right now and it seems so far in the past for me. I haven't changed a diaper since 2007. Of course, I also have friends whose kids have kids, so that's also strange.
Soon Hannah will be a high school graduate and then a college student, possibly in another country if all goes well and McGill University is able to have in-person classes. We still have a lot of reminders of those younger days when her voice was squeaky and she had bangs and carried a stuffed Elmo everywhere she went. I'm proud of the young woman she's become, but sometimes it's fun to look back at the cutie pie she was not too long ago.
Such is the state of my existence where it's January 12 and I'm just now writing about moving into a new year and decade. Hey, things are busy.
It's crazy that the '20s is the seventh decade I've been part of. Pretty much all of my direct co-workers are between 22 and 35, so I'm sort of the de facto repository of experiences prior to 1990. I don't mind it. It's not like I'm some goddamn grandpa or anything, but man, it's weird to think that I graduated from college 30+ years ago. I'm 52, but aside from the gray/thinning hair and sore back, I still feel and act a lot younger than my dad did at the same age. And I'm about the same age as Paul Newman was in Slap Shot, so maybe that's a more realistic comparison (looks and acting ability aside, of course).
The 2010s were a busy decade for us. Ten years ago, my kids were 5 and 7 (about to turn 6 and 8) and now, we've got a high school sophomore and senior. Lily's about to begin driver's ed and Hannah's waiting to hear back from colleges. It's a very exciting time, but 10 years ago, they were still little kids. It's been fun to watch them grow into young women with very distinct personalities and it's going to be even more fun to see how they turn out as adults. College is on the very near horizon and as scary as that will be financially, it's going to be especially strange to not have them around the house. People talk about getting excited for their kids to leave the nest and all that, but I'm going to miss them. Hannah's going somewhere in about 8 and half months, possibly as far away as Canada, and it will be very weird after 18 years to not have her here.
I ran my last marathon in 2010. It was Providence in May and it was another one of those 80+ degree affairs that left me dehydrated by mile 20 and walking by mile 23. Not fun. I signed up for another that fall but got injured and dropped down to the half. After that, I decided that running half marathons is much easier on the body and soul, so I've done one or two every year since then. I've continued doing the Reach the Beach relay in NH; I've done it every year since 2009. There have been on-and-off struggles with Achilles tendonitis over the years. I went to an exercise physiologist a few years back who gave me a stretching regime that helps me do what I want to do. Right now, I'm running three times a week and looking to do another half this spring. I'm not as fast as I was five years ago, but part of that is because I packed on a few extra pounds last year that I need to get rid of.
I'm also playing hockey more than I used to. I was skating with a Wednesday night pickup group in 2010 and I'm still doing that, even though it keeps me out until 12:30-1 a.m. But I also skate in a Monday night league at Endicott College and on Saturdays with a group at Pingree. It's fun and it's a good way to mix in some cardio.
On the work front, I'm still at the same company that I started the last decade at, sort of. We were in Marblehead when 2010, moved to a new office in Danvers at the end of that year and then saw things go really bad in 2012. But we were bought by another company in 2013 and things have stabilized since then. We moved to a new location in Middleton in 2016, which is only a quiet 20-minute commute for me. My job changed a few times over the decade, but I like what I'm doing now, which is (among other things) serving as the editor of one of our media properties. It's fun, I get to travel a bit and it's different than what I've for most of the 24 years I've worked at this company.
One of the reasons I don't have a lot of time to blog is I've been doing a fair amount of stuff in my spare time, including writing a running column for the Salem News (which I started doing in 2008) and a column for New England Soccer Journal. My podcast has been quietly plugging along since 2006; I don't do it weekly anymore, but I did 22 episodes last year, which isn't bad. And then there's the radio show, Stuck In Thee Garage, which I've been doing weekly since BFF.fm went on the air in 2013. It's a blast and I plan to do it as long as I can.
I'm still going to concerts somewhat regularly, which for me means maybe once a month. I can't go to all the shows I'd like to, and honestly, I don't want to. But I still love seeing live music and that's not going to change, even though I'm usually one of the older dudes at some of these shows. The music industry has been struggling from a sales standpoint, since nobody buys albums anymore. It's all about streaming. I still like to own music, especially since I need to as I put together my radio show, but fortunately I'm on some good PR lists and get review copies of a lot of albums. There's still plenty of great music out there (see my last post on the best of 2019), but it's definitely harder to get noticed in this post-radio and video world, especially for rock acts.
Life's also gotten more challenging for my mom, who's still living on her own in NH but is having trouble dealing with various health challenges. We have a visiting caregiver see her three days a week to help with basic tasks and I go up every weekend, but we're starting to look at assisted-living facilities. It's tough getting old.
It's been a strange trip on a national level over the last 10 years. We were in Obama's first term a decade ago and things were looking up and now we're in the second term of Trump and things are weird, man. I can't even imagine who will be president in 2030.
So off we go. Let's make the best of it, such as it is. Just watch out for President Ogie Oglethorpe.
A half century, man. Five decades. I hit the big 5-0 a few days ago. There was no blinding flash of realization or wisdom, no sudden descent into oldness, no onslaught of depression. Just another year going by.
That doesn't mean it's not significant, of course. The strange part for me is how quickly the years have gone by. Seems like I just celebrated my 40th. Now I've got two teenagers and a few more gray hairs. In five short years, I'll have two kids in college and life will be really weird.
It's odd to think of myself as being this age. When my dad turned 50, it was 1990, I was 23 and he seemed much older than he actually was. It didn't help that he was both an alcoholic and a diabetic, both of which had ravaged his body and made him look like he was 70. I know I'm in much better shape than he ever was, so I don't feel like an old man. Of course, I'm definitely dealing with some old guy stuff, like a sore back and various aches and pains, but that's part of the price I pay for staying physically active. I'll take that over being a flabby blob any damn day.
Unlike my 40th, which came and went with little fanfare, we did things up big for the 50th celebration. We had a big gathering at the Notch taproom last night, with about 50 friends showing up to toast to my geezerdom. It was a great time, reminiscent of the big parties we routinely threw in the days before kids. And yeah, I was a little hung over this morning, but it was nothing compared to some of those old party days.
So here I am, into a new decade of existence. The future is unwritten, as Joe Strummer once said. It's hard to know what to expect, but I've got some good role models in terms of friends who have already traversed this territory, so I think I'll be okay.
Oh, hi there. It's been a while. I always get great ideas for posts and then I see a shiny object and suddenly, it's two weeks later. I've definitely been meaning to write a post about the great European vacation we took this summer, but wanted to get some photos ready and then...you know. Anyhoo, there I was today minding my own business and sifting through the mail when I saw something addressed to me that said it had a card enclosed. Figuring it was some sort of credit card offer, I opened it out of curiosity and pulled out this abomination:
The dreaded AARP card! It didn't come out of the blue. I'm three weeks away from the big 5-0 and I knew someday they'd start hitting me up to join. Still, it was a bit jarring to hold it in my hand. I mean, I'm not looking for senior discounts just yet. I know life is flying by as I see my girls get older and I notice my body getting creakier. But that doesn't mean I'm giving in to age just yet. I'm still running and working out and playing hockey and listening to the rock music and doing all the other stuff I've been doing for the last few decades. I don't need to certify my geezerdom by joining an association, especially one that my mom is an active member of.
And besides, I've got three whole weeks of my 40s left. Back off, oldsters! I've gotta live my life, which means doing stuff that those AARP buzzards wouldn't dream of, like cliff diving and mountain climbing and running with the bulls. But first, I need to get some sleep. Yeah.
Now that I guess I'm officially middle-aged, one of the things people always seem to ask me on my birthday is if I feel older. I turned 49 on Wednesday and think I heard that question at least five times. For the record, the answer is no.
It's not like I've stumbled on some fountain of youth shizz. I've got plenty of gray hair, I tend to let out a low grunt whenever I get up out of a chair and from time to time, my lower back locks up on me. But generally, I feel pretty good. I'm in decent, not great, shape. I've battled foot injuries the last few years and this year has been better. My weight's not where I want it to be, but it's not bad. Ideally, I'd like to lose another 10 pounds and increase my running speed. My endurance is good; in the last few weeks, I did a tough 10-mile trail race and then Reach the Beach and felt good throughout. In fact, this was my eight consecutive RTB and it was the first time I felt better with each successive leg. I wasn't as fast as I was two years ago, but I felt strong.
Family-wise, we're in an interesting and busy place. Hannah started her freshman year of high school while Lily's in 7th grade. Hannah's playing JV soccer, so there are games to attend during the week, while Lily's playing both town and club, which means we have games on Saturday and Sunday. Add in practices and cross country for Lily and there's a lot of back and forth. But both girls are playing well and having fun, and doing well in school.
Do I feel older? No. Do I think I'm 28? Hell, no. Somebody asked me if I wished I was turning 35 and I emphatically said no. Been there, done that. Sometimes I wistfully look back at my 20s when I was playing different sports seemingly every night (softball, hockey, street hockey, soccer, golf, tennis) or going to concerts with regularity. But I don't need to be doing that now. Everything has its time and place. That doesn't mean I don't play sports or go to concerts anymore. I just pick my spots.
And yeah, I know I'm a year away from the big 5-0. It's weird to think about but I'm not afraid of it. The way I see it, I might as kick as much ass as possible. I think about my father at the same age and there's no comparison: he lived a very sedentary lifestyle. When he got home from work, he ate dinner and plopped down on the couch to watch TV for several hours. Exercise was never a consideration. Diabetes also became a factor in his 40s. It's not tough to figure out why I became such a fitness nut.
I have to be a little smarter about things these days. Since my company moved to a new office, I haven't been working out at lunch. It wasn't a big deal in the summer because I could run or go to the gym before work, but now that I have to get Lily to school, there's less time for working out. I haven't used the gym in our building yet, but I'm going to start. It's been about a month since I've lifted at a gym because I strained my forearm using dumbbells; I've been doing pushups and dips in the living room instead. And I have to do a lot of stretches every day to keep my heels in shape to run. It's not easy, but I'll keep doing it. I have a half marathon coming up in November, so I'm keeping the mileage up on the weekends.
Sure, I'm rapidly approaching geezerhood, especially when I look at some of my co-workers, who are 20-25 years younger than me. But I'm doing it on my own terms, dammit.
I found myself thinking about the '90s quite a bit in the last week or so for various reasons. The whole thing started on September 18, which marked the 20th anniversary of my start date at my current employer. I had just finished six years at the Peabody-Beverly Times/Salem News and was pretty burned out by the whole newspaper lifestyle. If a couple of chips had fallen differently, I would have stuck with reporting but it was becoming apparent that I needed to move on. I was the 45th employee at a small trade publishing company called Opus Communications and was immediately dispatched to Pittsburgh to cover a conference of medical staff services professionals. It took a while to get settled in, both to get a grasp of the not-always-exciting subject matter and to get used to sitting at a desk all day.
I lasted four years there before moving on to Webnoize, a dotcom started by a friend of mine; I had a fun two years at that company before it and the Internet bubble in general ran out of money. I went back to my old company, then called HCPro, in November 2001 and I've been there ever since. Granted, the company has changed owners about four times since then, growing to a max of about 300 employees. Two years ago, things were a little touch and go before we were bought by another publisher. The company's fortunes have improved since the sale and things are pretty stable, which is nice. Still, it's crazy to think I was almost 28 when I started there. So many people have come and gone over that time, as you can imagine. And I've had many changes in my life as well, the most important of which are getting married and having kids.
Spending 20 years with one employer used to be no big deal a few generations ago. But in the last 10-15 years, people have become accustomed to jumping around a lot more from job to job, looking for better pay or status or both. There were definitely times when I was desperate to leave, especially during times of serious instability in 2008 and 2012, but for whatever reason I stuck it out. Part of it was having a 10-minute commute and a lot of flexibility, the kind I wouldn't have if I was working somewhere closer to Boston. And it really does, as I've told many people, feel like I've worked for four or five different companies because of the different owners and different situations.
My work anniversary is always closely tied to my birthday because the latter is three days after the former. Monday marked my 48th, which is pretty nuts. I veer from feeling every one of those years when my various ailments (sore heels, sore back, etc.) act up, but then I think about what my father was like at 48--overweight, sedentary, depressed, alcoholic--and compare it to what I'm doing and I realize that his 48 seemed a hell of a lot older than mine. I'm no Peter Pan; there's no midlife crisis here. I just refuse to accept that just because I'm "middle aged," that means I should stop going to rock shows, playing sports, and doing all the other shit I've been doing the last umpteen years. Yeah, the hair's a lot grayer now, but I'm not ready to be put out to pasture just yet.
You know what makes me feel old? Seeing the kids of people I worked with when I started my career getting married and generally being all adult and stuff. Also, the Milwaukee Brewers just named their new general manager, David Stearns, who was born the year I graduated from high school. Now THAT'S some sobering shit right there.
The other flashback-inducing event in my life has been the incredible run made by the Toronto Blue Jays over the last two months. When the Jays traded for Colorado shortstop Troy Tulowitzki on July 29, they were a thoroughly mediocre 50-51. A day later, they acquired pitcher David Price from Detroit, giving them their first bona fide #1 pitcher since the mighty Roy Halladay left town after the 2009 season. The Jays already had a tremendous offensive club, but Price stabilized the pitching staff and Tulowitzki provided shutdown defense; a few other acquisitions filled various holes and the team went on a tear for the ages. They caught the division-leading Yankees within two weeks and have been battling them for the division lead, which Toronto now has by 4 games with 9 to play. The magic number is 4 for the division title; they've already clinched a playoff spot.
While this is no big deal for fans in many cities, the Jays haven't been to the postseason since 1993. Which is two years before I started at my current workplace 20 years ago. At the time, the Jays went on to win their second World Series in a row, capping off a decade of strong contending teams. In 1994, the Jays were sitting at 55-60 on August 12 when the players went on strike and the season was ended. And in the years that followed (before this one), they never seriously contended for even a wild card spot. Blame it on ownership not spending the money, big acquisitions not panning out, whatever, the Jays became a mediocre small market team instead of the contending large market team they had been previously. Sure, I took the winning for granted between '85 and '93, but I can't believe it's been so long in the desert. It has been a depressing time, especially watching teams like the Red Sox, Yankees and Rays dominate the AL East. But all that's in the past, as this year's team has roared to a 90-65 record as of this writing, the highest win total since '93. Not only are they close to clinching the division, getting the best record in the AL (thereby giving them home field advantage through the playoffs) is within their reach; they're currently tied with Kansas City.
This Jays team has renewed my interest and passion for baseball, which had waned in recent years. I'm as obsessed with it as I ever have been. My greatest sports moments have been the Jays' two World Series wins in '92 and '93, followed by the Patriots' four Super Bowl wins. The Maple Leafs have been a perennial disappointment my entire life, with occasional flourishes of hope mixed in. They're currently at the beginning of a rebuilding plan, so there are no championships on the immediate horizon. But at least I've finally got something to root for in October. No more wallowing in the past. I'm fully engaged in the present. Go Jays!
Part 3
of my conversation with guest Matt Phillion as we discuss friendship in
the digital age. Listen to the episode below or download directly (right click and "save as").
Show notes: - Check out Matt's new book, The Indestructibles: Breakout - Matt: I will sell out tomorrow - Matt founded Home For Wayward Geeks to rant about superheroes - A lack of institutional rock knowledge - Sitting next to Jordan Knight on a plane - Friends who overshare online about kids, pets, butts - Matt: I miss hanging out with friends - It's work to get people together - Two levels of interaction - Social media ghosts - Online relationships can be as real as physical ones for some - You'll exist online long after your death - The Digital Cleaner Completely Conspicuous is available through the iTunes podcast directory. Subscribe and write a review!
The
opening and closing theme of Completely Conspicuous is "Theme to Big
F'in Pants" by Jay Breitling. Find out more about Senor Breitling at his
fine music blog Clicky Clicky. Voiceover work is courtesy of James Gralian.
The definition of friendship has evolved over the years, and not just in the way it does when one moves into adulthood and tends to spend more time with family. As we get older, we certainly find we have less time to spend just hanging out with our friends, whether it's because of family responsibilities, work or just plain laziness.
But social media has also allowed us to stretch that definition to places it has never gone before. While we may have more "friends" than ever in the digital sense, we've become increasingly more isolated to the point where we may never see those we consider our best friends in a calendar year, even though we only live a few miles away from each other. And if the friend in question isn't on social media, forget about it; out of sight, out of mind takes on a whole new meaning when someone isn't on Facebook.
For years after graduating from college, I made genuine attempts to get together with my closest friends at least a few times a year. That got harder to do as people started families or moved further away. Starting in the late '90s, email became a good way to stay in touch with friends and about a decade later, most of us (but not all of us) ended up on Facebook. Unfortunately, all these great communication tools don't necessary translate into closer friendships. It's more like base maintenance: checking in periodically for status updates.
Fast forward to now: Getting together with old friends happens less often. It really takes an effort to organize a gathering. And they still happen from time to time, usually in the form of family-oriented cookouts or house parties. Sometimes there are group meet-ups at bars or restaurants with former co-workers or other friends. But more often than not, we've all become homebodies, and for good reason.
Of course, friendship takes on many forms. I have a fair number of friends I've met via social media, whether through following them on their podcasts or blogs or just meeting them through mutual friends on Facebook or Twitter. Some I've met in person, some I haven't. In some cases, I have more contact with them than I do with some of my oldest friends.
Often I feel as though I could do more to stay in better touch with my friends, but it's hard. And I try not to beat myself up about it, because it's not like they're calling me, either. I guess all we can do is just keep trying.
Part 2 of the latest installment of Driving with Kumar as I share some thoughts while driving to my 25th college reunion. Listen to the episode below or download directly (right click and "save as").
Show notes: - No regrets about college years - Could have graduated a semester early, but chose to stay for full year - Got a job before I graduated - Worked first few months at newspaper while also working weekends at supermarket - Moved to Massachusetts after a few months - Lived in 10 different places in a decade - One apartment I shared with three women; a year later, it was all guys - Nearly got married in mid-20s - Went to Homecoming in '93 and passed on a party to go home and watch World Series - Toronto won Series on Joe Carter HR that night - Went up to UNH a lot the first few years after college - On drive home - Lots of drunken kids when I arrived at 2:30 - Wandered around through a mass of partying young people - Eventually found class of '89 tent and my old roommate - Saw some folks I hadn't seen in many years - Only saw a little of the football game - Overwhelming feeling of oldness, but had fun
Completely Conspicuous is available through the iTunes podcast directory. Subscribe and write a review!
Music: Ty Segall - Feel Wormburner - Somewhere Else to Be The Pharmacy - Masten Lake Lagoon
The Ty Segall song
is on the album Manipulator on Drag City. Download the
song for free at KEXP. The Wormburner song is on the album Pleasant Living in Planned Communities on Dive Records. Download the song for free at KEXP.
The Pharmacy song is on the album Spells on Old Flame Records. Download the song for free at KEXP.
The
opening and closing theme of Completely Conspicuous is "Theme to Big
F'in Pants" by Jay Breitling. Find out more about Senor Breitling at his fine music blog Clicky Clicky. Voiceover work is courtesy of James Gralian.
Part 1 of the latest installment of Driving with Kumar as I share some thoughts while driving to my 25th college reunion. Listen to the episode below or download directly (right click and "save as").
Show notes: - Coached in a youth soccer tournament before driving up to University of New Hampshire - Haven't gone to a college reunion before - Still see many friends from college on occasion - Nearly flunked out freshman year - Switched from engineering to journalism and turned it around - Worked for newspaper for six years after college - Journalism majors use theirs skill in different ways now - College was my first time away from parental discipline - Real partying began when grades improved - Did not drink in high school - First weekend in college, that changed - Freshman year roommate had a tough time - Sophomore year roomie was super busy with activities - Moved off campus junior year - Unlucky in love - Always hung out with both nerds and jocks - Ate a lot of junk food - To be continued
Completely Conspicuous is available through the iTunes podcast directory. Subscribe and write a review!
The Sleater-Kinney song
is on the forthcoming album No Cities to Love on Sub Pop. Download the
song for free (in exchange for your email address) at Stereogum. The Coaches song is available for free download at Bandcamp.
The Cherry Wave song is on the forthcoming album Avalancher and available for free download at Bandcamp.
The
opening and closing theme of Completely Conspicuous is "Theme to Big
F'in Pants" by Jay Breitling. Find out more about Senor Breitling at his fine music blog Clicky Clicky. Voiceover work is courtesy of James Gralian.
Another year just hurtled by, full of cool stuff and awful stuff and boring stuff. Personally, it was an interesting year. My daughters are growing quickly; it's amazing that I've been a parent for more than a decade now. On the career front, my job took some weird and scary turns this year, but I'm still hanging on. I managed to drop 30 pounds from Jan. 1 to Dec. 15. I gained a little of it back in the last two weeks, but I'm going back to eating well starting tomorrow. I'm doing a fair amount of writing, most of it for free but some of it for pay, and my podcast is still a going concern. Somehow I got sucked back into coaching soccer again, which has been fun and exhausting at the same time. The schedule keeps filling up, which I suppose is better than just sitting around on my butt watching TV.
As for New Year's resolutions, I'm looking to keep the weight off and keep getting faster as a runner. As I mentioned earlier this week, I'm starting guitar lessons tomorrow and hope to become a half-decent player. I want to keep writing. And I want to keep working at being a better father.
I'm in my mid-40s now, which is also weird and scary, but I take comfort in the fact that I don't feel that old. And I'm ready for whatever life throws at me (within reason). Happy New Year!
Once you hit your mid-40s, certain things become inevitable. Even if you're in great shape physically, you notice that you can't do the same things you did in your 20s and 30s, whether that's partying til all hours of the night or living on junk food or just being immature. Which is fine, as long as you accept these changes. We all have to grow up eventually, it just takes some of us longer to do so than others.
Unfortunately, there are other inevitabilities that are harder to process. Like the inevitability of death. I got a taste of this 16 years ago when my father died, but he went early (he was 55). It was an anomaly. But now as I get older, folks I knew when I was first starting my career are falling into that zone. Lately, this has been hitting home for me as several people I either worked with or was acquainted with in my 20s have died, two of them in the last week. One was a state representative from Peabody who I knew well when I worked for the Peabody Times as a reporter; she worked in the court system and was on various city boards while I was there and was always extremely friendly and a great source. The other was the general manager of the Essex County Newspapers chain, of which Peabody was a part. I was never particularly close to him, but I respected the hell out of him and his accomplishments. He did a lot for young reporters, regularly allowing UNH interns to stay at his family's Rockport home each semester (I commuted from home during my internship, but I knew plenty of friends who took advantage of the offer. He was also a big runner back when I couldn't understand why anyone would want to be; he had a shower installed in his office in Beverly to use after his midday runs. And I would see him at local races regularly right up until a few years ago.
I've also had other friends or colleagues die at younger ages, including a co-worker (working remotely in Colorado) who had a heart attack at age 58 and dropped dead on the spot a few months ago. It doesn't matter the age, though, it's always shocking when somebody you know is no longer walking the Earth. There's nothing you can do except hope nobody else dies any time soon, even though there's no way of knowing these things. Better to remember these people the best we can and move along.
It was 20 years ago yesterday that I had my greatest moment in sports fandom...watching my beloved Toronto Blue Jays win the 1992 World Series over the Atlanta Braves. And of course, they won it again the following year on a dramatic Joe Carter home run. But the first win was the most rewarding because it came after 15 years of futility for the Jays.
I got into baseball in the mid-1970s when I was a little kid growing up in Toronto...rooting for the Montreal Expos and learning about the game. In 1977, the Toronto Blue Jays made their debut...and man, were they awful. Of course, they were an expansion team and as such were made up (along with the Seattle Mariners, who joined the American League at the same time) of the castoffs of other teams. I didn't really care that they sucked, though; I was just glad to be able to go see professional baseball. I used to take the commuter rail from our suburban town to the big city, where I'd see the Jays play at old Exhibition Stadium on Lake Ontario. Bleacher seats cost $2 back in the late '70s. My favorite player in those early days was Bob Bailor, who hit .310 in the Jays' first season and was a scrappy utility player who busted his butt all the time.
The Jays were terrible until 1982, when new manager Bobby Cox led the team to a 78-84 record and a new crop of young stars were emerging: pitchers Dave Stieb, Jim Clancy and Luis Leal and an exciting outfield of George Bell, Lloyd Moseby and Jesse Barfield. The Jays started coming into their own in 1983 and two years later won the AL East and were up 3-1 in the ALCS before the Royals came back and won the series. There was a horrific choke in the last week of the 1987 season when the Jays seemingly had the division sewn up before the Detroit Tigers swept them in the last weekend and won the East. Then in 1989 and 1991, the Jays won the East but were knocked off easily by Oakland and Minnesota, respectively.
But in 1992, things were different. The Jays added free agents Jack Morris and Dave Winfield to a powerful nucleus of stars including Roberto Alomar, Joe Carter, Kelly Gruber, Jimmy Key and Tom Henke. The team had a swagger right from the start and added top starter David Cone at the trade deadline. I lived in Boston area by this time and went up to see the Jays win some big games in late September. As we were driving home, I stopped at the Beer Store (that's what the province-run stores are called) and picked up a 6-pack of Labatt's Blue, which I would hopefully drink to celebrate each time the Jays made it to another level of the postseason. When they won the division with 96 games, I had a few of the Blues.
They faced the powerful Oakland A's in the ALCS, a team that featured Dennis Eckersley coming off an MVP and Cy Young season and the scary bats of Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire and Rickey Henderson, among others. Nobody gave the Jays a chance, especially after Oakland won game 1 4-3. But the Jays took the next two games and then in game 4, the series totally shifted in Toronto's favor when Alomar hit a 2-run homer in the top of the ninth off Eckersley to tie the game; the Jays won it 7-6 in 11 innings and never looked back. I still remember going nuts after that Alomar bomb. It was hugely symbolic, both in the way it put the Jays over the top and eventually into the World Series, but also it marked the last gasp of the Bash Brothers (aka steroid-aided) era of the A's, who wouldn't make the playoffs again until 2000. I had a few more of the Blues.
The World Series was tense and exciting. I watched the Series every year, but this was different. My team had never been there before. Every pitch was nerve-wracking. The series started in Atlanta, and it was light-hitting Braves catcher Damon Berryhill who got Atlanta off to a good start with a big homer in game 1. But game 2 featured another amazing clutch moment, when pinch-hitter Ed Sprague hit a two-run homer in extra innings that eventually won the game for Toronto. Between the fans doing their stupid Indian chant and shots of Jane Fonda "praying" next to Braves owner Ted Turner in the stands, I was sick of the Braves, who were essentially assumed to have the Series in the bag. The Jays went back to Toronto and won games 3 and 4 to take a commanding 3-1 series lead before losing game 5 and having to go back to Atlanta.
Game 6 was unreal. I sat in my living room in the same spot I watched all the other games. The Jays led 2-1 in the 9th before Henke uncharacteristically blew the lead and the game went to extra innings. In the 11th, Dave Winfield hit a two-run double to give Toronto a 4-2 lead and I was going nuts. It was after midnight and I just had to hope the Jays could retire the side and preserve the victory. Of course, the pesky Braves got baserunners immediately and scored to make the game 4-3. Manager Cito Gaston comes in and shockingly took Key out of the game, bringing in untested rookie Mike Timlin to face Otis Nixon with two outs and the tying run on third. Nixon bunted and Timlin fielded and threw to first baseman Carter for the win. Carter started jumping around and so did I, hooting and hollering and going nuts (as I would do a year later when Carter won the Series for the Jays again). I was watching the postgame show drinking that last Labatt's Blue when my buddy Eric showed up around 1 a.m. with a bottle of champagne. It was a pretty damn thoughtful gesture given he liked the Red Sox, but that's the kind of guy he is. And the champagne tasted mighty sweet that night.
In the years since, I saw the Jays win again but then fail to make the postseason every year. My even more beloved Toronto Maple Leafs had a few good runs over the years but never made it past the semifinals in the NHL playoffs, but the last seven years have been just horrendous. And the New England Patriots, who I started following in the early '80s after moving here, won three Super Bowls in the last decade and are consistently good, so there's that. But barring a Leafs Stanley Cup win (which seems sadly a long ways away, especially with this season locked out and on the brink of cancellation), that 1992 World Series win will always be my favorite sports moment.
It's
a new installment of Driving with Kumar as I celebrate another
birthday and reflect on my 45 years of existence. Listen to the episode
below or download it directly (right click and "save as").
Show notes: - Driving to NH to run a half marathon - Another birthday has come and gone - Facebook changes the meaning of "friend" - Turning 21 is a big deal - 30 was a milestone - Dealing with parental expectations - Wasn't ready for marriage and/or fatherhood in my 20s - Got married at 32 - Living alone has its pros and cons - My job isn't my life - Didn't take a lot of risks in my work life - Kind of fell into a journalism career - No regrets - Watched a good friend take a chance, turn it into career - Can't spend much time wondering about what ifs - Bonehead of the Week
Music: Jason Collett - I Wanna Rob a Bank Rye Coalition - Communication Breakdance Girls Against Boys - Super-Fire
Completely Conspicuous is available through the iTunes podcast directory. Subscribe and write a review!
The Jason Collett song is on the album Reckon on Arts and Crafts. Download it for free from SoundCloud. The Rye Coalition song is on the EP Jersey Girls on Tiger Style Records. Download the song for free from Epitonic. The Girls Against Boys song is on the album House of GVSB on Touch and Go Records. Download the song for free at Epitonic.
The
opening and closing theme of Completely Conspicuous is "Theme to Big
F'in Pants" by Jay Breitling. Find out more about Senor Breitling at his
fine music blog Clicky Clicky. Voiceover work is courtesy of James Gralian; check out his site PodGeek.
It came and went pretty quickly, but I sort of celebrated my 45th birthday last Friday. It wasn't like I was dreading it or anything. I just happened to be in Tampa for work and had no time to really contemplate it until later in the day when we were done at the convention center. After getting in a run on the hotel treadmill, I met up with a couple co-workers at an outdoor bar, where we had to wait out a thunderstorm before we could go get dinner, which we didn't eat until around 10 p.m.
One constant reminder of the occasion was my phone, which buzzed every time somebody wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. That's one tangible benefit of FB; you never forget somebody's birthday (if they reveal it) and you always get the gratification of many birthday greetings throughout the day. And honestly, when you get to my age, that's pretty much all you need. It was great to come home to birthday greetings scrawled in sidewalk chalk by the girls and homemade cards and a cake.
Other than my hair getting grayer and thinner, I'm holding up fairly well physically for my age. The injuries tend to nag a little longer, which is why I dropped down from the full marathon to the half at this Sunday's Smuttynose Rockfest. I got about 10 weeks into my marathon training, but the long runs were miserable because of the heat and humidity. And my left heel started developing plantar fasciitis, so it seemed smarter to dial it back on the mileage. When I did Reach the Beach, it was really bothering me on my last run, but it feels a little better now. After Sunday, I need to focus on getting it better.
It's a little hard to believe I'm halfway through my 40s, but I'm okay with it. Definitely snuck up on me, though. The important thing is to continue kicking as much ass as possible.
As I get older, I find I'm more prone to griping about "kids these days." It's not that I have this burning desire to yell at kids to get off my lawn, but there are definitely generational differences that jump out at me.
The one sticking in my proverbial craw at this particular point in time has to do with context. Not just having a thorough knowledge of what's going on right now, but what came before you. Seems to me that a lot of the young'uns don't know and don't really care about what happened in the past, whether that past is 100, 20, 10 or even five years ago. Part of this is reflected in blank stares if you make a cultural reference more than a year old, but especially in music, there's an out-and-out ignorance of the music of previous generations.
My ire was provoked by an NPR blog post that ran last week in which an intern reviewed an album he had never heard before, Public Enemy's 1988 hip-hop classic It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back. Now I don't begrudge the kid for not having heard it; the album came out before he was born. And I guess that's the point of the post, to get the perspective of a kid who isn't a so-called expert. But holy crap, the guy has no reference points to judge the album on other than to say that Drake rules and Chuck D sounds weird. And if that's his opinion, more power to him, but it illustrates my point.
[Begin old guy rant] I don't necessarily blame this kid, because it's a societal thing, but his review really bums me out. Our society is so overloaded with stimuli these days coming at us through smartphones, computers, TV, etc., that it's a tough task to keep up with what's happening right now, let alone what happened 20 years ago.
Growing up, I listened to plenty of new music, but I also knew about bands that came out when I was a baby (or before I was born) like the Beatles, Stones, the Who, Zeppelin. I didn't get into them until I was 11 or 12, but when I found out about them, I dove in. And it wasn't as easy to access the music or do the research back in the late '70s/early '80s. You'd hear bands on the radio, but you had to buy the records or read books or magazines to get any information about artists. Now you can stream just about any band's music on Spotify or YouTube and get plenty of opinions (as well as facts) about an artist before you ever spend any money (if you do at all).
But if you point out the ignorance displayed by this kid and others, you're usually met with a shrug because nobody gives a rat's arse about some old farts and the music they played in the Paleolithic Age. The same thing goes for movies/TV/history. It used to be cool to be knowledgeable about bands or a music scene or movies or whatever; now unless you're in a trivia contest, you don't have to know that stuff. You can just look it up on your phone if you need to.
Of course, I'm generalizing about a whole generation; I'm sure there are kids who know about Public Enemy or Led Zeppelin or The Feelies, but they're few and far between. There's too much coming at kids these days for them to bother looking back. And that's a damn shame. [Conclude old guy rant]
