No Future/No Past

I often wonder what the hell I was thinking when I was a kid, whether it was the clothes I wore, the things I did or didn't do, or just stupid things I said. Well, one guy actually had the foresight as a 12-year-old to record a VHS message to himself 20 years in the future.Which is cool enough, but then the guy, filmmaker Jeremiah McDonald, went and created a video of the 32-year-old Jeremiah having a conversation with his 12-year-old counterpart. And it's brilliant:




This of course got me to wondering what my 14-year-old self in 1982 would ask of the Jay Kumar of 2012, who would be (cough) 44. Not having the benefit of film equipment of any kind back then, I can only imagine the conversation would go something like this:

1982 JK: Sooooo, future me, how's it going?

2012 JK: Good, I guess. How are you?

1982 JK: I'm okay. Although I went to three schools last year. That wasn't fun. We're still in Washington state, but at least we're living in a house now instead of that stupid duplex. Can you believe I had to share a room with my little brother?

2012 JK: Actually, I can believe it because I already lived it.

1982 JK: Oh, right. So, what's 2012 like? Are there flying cars and colonies on the moon and more importantly, do I ever get laid?

2012 JK: Let's see...that would be no, no and eventually.

1982 JK: Really? That's awesome! When? Who? How?

2012 JK: I can't tell you that. It'd ruin the surprise. Plus it might cause a rift in the time-space continuum.

1982 JK: The what?

2012 JK: Never mind. So what are you doing now?

1982 JK: Not a whole lot. I have a paper route, but it sucks. I have to get up at 5 a.m. to deliver the papers and I get chased by a stupid dog every day.

2012 JK: Oh, yeah. Don't worry, you won't be doing that for much longer. Hell, you won't even be living in that town a year from now.

1982 JK: What? We're moving again? Where are we going this time?

2012 JK: Oops, I said too much. You probably should ask your parents...although at this point, they don't know, either.

1982 JK: Geez, thanks a lot, future jerk. What other crappy news do you have for me?

2012 JK: Hey, it's not all bad. You'll have a girlfriend after you move.

1982 JK: What? Sweet! This is great!

2012 JK: Don't get too excited. It ends badly after a month. But at least you're in the game.

1982 JK: Oh, crap. Well, maybe I can do something different this time.

2012 JK: Good luck with that, pal. All I can say is don't take it too seriously.

1982 JK: Whatever. So tell me, you must be like super old by now if you're 44. Are you rich? Please tell me you're rich, and you have a huge house with a sexy wife and four cars and an in-home movie theater.

2012 JK: I've got a wife and a house and we have two cars. How's that?

1982 JK: So you're not rich?

2012 JK: No, sorry. I'm not poor, though.

1982 JK: What do you do for a living?

2012 JK: I'm an editor for a healthcare-related publishing company.

1982 JK: Oh man, the future is going to be terrible.

2012 JK: Hey, I think my life's pretty good. I've got a great wife and two beautiful daughters and I run marathons and do a podcast...

1982 JK: What's a podcast?

2012 JK: It's like a radio show, I guess.

1982 JK: Well, that's pretty cool, I suppose. And you run marathons? Why?

2012 JK: When you turn 30, you'll get into running.

1982 JK: Yeah, right. Now I KNOW you're full of crap. I'm starting to think this wasn't such a great idea.

2012 JK: Right back at ya, pal.

Maybe it's just as well that I didn't leave myself a tape...